Loss

Loss is a difficult thing to deal with.

There are many different kinds of loss and different kinds of emotions for each kind.

Either way, loss sucks. Something or someone won't be coming back. Yes, granted there are those few who this is just a temporary thing, and they will be coming back (I am looking at you missy who is doing something amazing with her life!) (or you, other missy who is doing something to change her life for the better!!). But more than not, the loss is permanent and can leave a hole in your heart that is difficult to repair.

Last month (September 2015) one of my best friends started a journey to China to teach English for a year in the Disney program. Amazing. Such a once in a lifetime event! I am so incredibly happy for her! And incredibly jealous haha as that is such an amazing thing to be able to say, "Hey, I did this!" She has worked her ass off to be able to get where she is, and now she gets the chance to travel across the world to a whole new culture and live it up!

Tuesday (October 6th 2015), I get a text, then a call (later) from another best friend, saying that her boyfriend got great news but she wasn't sure how to handle as it would mean him leaving for San Diego. I knew she would be heartbroken if she were to be left behind because she wouldn't have been able to move out due to things at home. The call, I received a day later, I let her talk out what was going on, heard her as she argued her case and why she was making the choice she was. She was doing it. She was going to move to San Diego with him at the end of the year! Wow! What a choice! This will do amazing things for her and I wish nothing but the best for her. But of course, I have to be honest with myself and know that I will miss her terribly.

Having not one, but now two best friends moving away from me in the span of 3 months can do some major pain to a girls heart! But I know that for both of them, I wish nothing but the best and happiness in everything they do. I hope that only good tides follow them and take them where they need to go. I know that we will still be in contact (hell the bff in China we still talk on an almost daily basis even with the crazy time zone differences). Things will always have a silver lining, and I know I will get to see each one of them when we can. I care deeply for the friendships that I have been able to build (with them and others).

...

Then there are the deeper set of loss. The ones you KNOW won't be coming back.
Friends have been losing loved ones a lot lately, and I got to join that club yesterday with the news of a dear person. Yesterday Earl Carlheim passed away. Many may not know him, but here in Colorado, and even more in a smaller/wider club, the RMCGA/WGI circuits, we do. Many learned how to spin a weapon or flag from him. Others had the ability to be able to join an amazing team he organized for many years before handing the reigns to others. He started Nova Independent Winter Guard team in Denver, CO. He taught, directed and oversaw many amazing young adults and watched them become the people they are today. Many of us would not be who we are if it hadn't been for him and his fantastic team there to help guide us. It is with a heavy heart and a half mast flag that I say my goodbye to Earl. Thank you for Nova. Thank you for Pheonix. Thank you for all you gave us. No more pain for you, rest easy and we will see you someday.


I don't think there is much else I can write today. My heart is heavy, and my thoughts are rough.

Mind ramblings

As I am sitting here, listening to my friends online radio segment, I know I should be being more productive than I am currently. I should be doing the online classes that I had signed up for last summer, I should be asking the photographers for their copyrighted images from the teaser calendars, I should be potentially cleaning, or I could also be potentially packing. I am jumping around already and not giving any preface of what the hell I am talking about. Sorry. Buttt....deal with it. It will all be explained through out I am sure haha.

I just am not in the mood to get all into everything just yet.

***Added on 3 hours later***

Ok, not so bleh as earlier. Maybe I should do a preface. Tell you, the reader-if there are any haha-about myself. Do you care? Would you even notice if I didn't? I am sure you would, but maybe would catch on as I post more and more. Give you the mystery with hints until months down the road you finally have some kind of handle on me.

I am a bit all over the page tonight...probably shouldn't have blogged as there really isn't much meat to this, but don't care. It's also National Best Friend day, and just spent the last half hour tagging some of the people that mean a lot to me in my life in different ways. If you happen to be reading this, you now who you are.

So yeah. I think I am going to leave this time wasted post here for tonight. Maybe tomorrow there will be a more coherent post about something better than mind jumble.

The Crazy Hooker

I have been a crocheter since I was very young. My mom started me out when I was about 5, learning granny squares. I would make one, get bored when it was about 10in, and toss it. Then I would start another a few weeks later, only to do the same thing over and over.

I look back and think, damn those squares would be nice to have, I could probably make a crazy blanket out of them all. Well hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and I have a lot of that.

Well over the last few years I have had several projects that I have started, some I have actually completed and others that are sitting waiting for me to come back to them. I have learned several new stitches and ways to make things, to the point I have considered opening my own online store to sell my products that I have made. 

Will that happen? No clue. Would anyone buy anything? Possibly. But who knows. I just haven't found my fire for it yet.

Which brings me to today, after I get home from work I grabbed my awesome Tunisian crochet hooks that I received as a present and start working on a new project learning Tunisian. I gotta say, it is awesome but kinda difficult! I have a new respect for those individuals that mastered this technique. I am still a very much beginner but will keep working til I master it as well!

Temporary permanence

Wow...here I go blogging again. I found my old blog that I had started several years ago. Then ended. Again. Hopefully that won't happen again. I don't intend on this actually getting to be seen by many...I mean I will have it set as public but whether people see it or not is a whole different story.

When I say several years ago, I mean back in 2011 was my last postings. Some I didn't even publish but I could still see the drafts. Makes for interesting reads of what was going through my min and what I felt I wanted to type out. It is difficult for me to call what I am doing writing, as it isn't pen to paper like what writing was originally set out as. But to call it just typing doesn't sit well either. So for now, let us just call it e-tating of what I wish for now...

I have thoughts of creating this blog into something other than rantings...but we shall see.
I want to include a list of things I have tried off Pinterest as well as other things as a sort of check off, yes they work, whatever you want to think of it as.

As of right now I have several things that I am trying to make myself do but am instead typing away at my keyboard. (I will also be posting from my phone, or tablet whichever seem deemed fit for the moment that I might be posting at).

For this first post I shall inform you that I am currently standing next to by bed, listening to my clothes going in the washer as I mentally prepare myself to attack my closet and actually get it set straight with putting some clothes away for storage using space bags (those things are amazing, though I have come to find out that either I am not closing them correctly or they get holes easily and will re-inflate. But they are good for storing things either way!). After which I plan on attacking the area next to my bed that should be a bed stand/dog crate thing....but instead is hiding under a mound of, well crap. My list goes on and on and on and on....we shall see what I decide to do next.