Loss is a difficult thing to deal with.
There are many different kinds of loss and different kinds of emotions for each kind.
Either way, loss sucks. Something or someone won't be coming back. Yes, granted there are those few who this is just a temporary thing, and they will be coming back (I am looking at you missy who is doing something amazing with her life!) (or you, other missy who is doing something to change her life for the better!!). But more than not, the loss is permanent and can leave a hole in your heart that is difficult to repair.
Last month (September 2015) one of my best friends started a journey to China to teach English for a year in the Disney program. Amazing. Such a once in a lifetime event! I am so incredibly happy for her! And incredibly jealous haha as that is such an amazing thing to be able to say, "Hey, I did this!" She has worked her ass off to be able to get where she is, and now she gets the chance to travel across the world to a whole new culture and live it up!
Tuesday (October 6th 2015), I get a text, then a call (later) from another best friend, saying that her boyfriend got great news but she wasn't sure how to handle as it would mean him leaving for San Diego. I knew she would be heartbroken if she were to be left behind because she wouldn't have been able to move out due to things at home. The call, I received a day later, I let her talk out what was going on, heard her as she argued her case and why she was making the choice she was. She was doing it. She was going to move to San Diego with him at the end of the year! Wow! What a choice! This will do amazing things for her and I wish nothing but the best for her. But of course, I have to be honest with myself and know that I will miss her terribly.
Having not one, but now two best friends moving away from me in the span of 3 months can do some major pain to a girls heart! But I know that for both of them, I wish nothing but the best and happiness in everything they do. I hope that only good tides follow them and take them where they need to go. I know that we will still be in contact (hell the bff in China we still talk on an almost daily basis even with the crazy time zone differences). Things will always have a silver lining, and I know I will get to see each one of them when we can. I care deeply for the friendships that I have been able to build (with them and others).
...
Then there are the deeper set of loss. The ones you KNOW won't be coming back.
Friends have been losing loved ones a lot lately, and I got to join that club yesterday with the news of a dear person. Yesterday Earl Carlheim passed away. Many may not know him, but here in Colorado, and even more in a smaller/wider club, the RMCGA/WGI circuits, we do. Many learned how to spin a weapon or flag from him. Others had the ability to be able to join an amazing team he organized for many years before handing the reigns to others. He started Nova Independent Winter Guard team in Denver, CO. He taught, directed and oversaw many amazing young adults and watched them become the people they are today. Many of us would not be who we are if it hadn't been for him and his fantastic team there to help guide us. It is with a heavy heart and a half mast flag that I say my goodbye to Earl. Thank you for Nova. Thank you for Pheonix. Thank you for all you gave us. No more pain for you, rest easy and we will see you someday.
I don't think there is much else I can write today. My heart is heavy, and my thoughts are rough.
